What happens in episode five, ‘The Pen is Mighty’?
WARNING: Major spoilers for season one, episode five ahead.
Wendy is woken up by a frantic Zoom call from her production team who have a copyright issue regarding the book Am I Celt? As it turns out, they don’t have the rights to the book, as the real author has not signed the contracts. Jack E. is in the room with her, with Wendy having spent the night in his room, though he later confirms nothing happened to her.
She asks him what happened and why he’s not considered the official author of the book, but it turns out he didn’t actually write it. The real writer is in Birmingham, so Wendy and Jack E. leave on a mission to get their signature.
At school, Catherine teaches her class about Romans vs. Celts, explaining they had more sexual freedom and multiple spouses. As this plays out, Sonny and Jules shoot daggers at each other at the pub as they both have affection for Shelly, while Séamus does the same to Matt, now suspicious of the affair he’s having with Catherine. But the tense stand-off is cut short when Barry Battle arrives to say his mother, Betty, has died.
Séamus and Sonny go to confirm the death, but Sonny fears it’s a bad decision as Séamus’s medical board meeting is the next day. The next day, Séamus tries to initiate sex with Catherine, but she turns him down. Later at school, Joanne spots Matt affectionately stroking Catherine’s face and looks worried.
As filming winds up, Jack E. and Wendy head to the airport, with Wendy furious that Jack E. isn’t even the historian he claims to be. The real author is Dr Fatima Balikrishnan, a dentist and Jack E.’s ex-wife. He also hasn’t warned her they are coming.
At his disciplinary hearing, Séamus does himself no favours and is put on temporary leave from his position as a doctor.
Once in Birmingham, Wendy pleads with Fatima to let her have the rights to the book and is introduced to her and Jack E.’s daughter, Suri. Jack E. also confesses to being a sports writer, who lost his job when he was “cancelled” for kicking a dog outside St Paul’s Cathedral. Fatima agrees in exchange for a 25% hike, and for Jack E. to finally build a TV table he’s avoided doing since before their divorce. Wendy agrees to the terms and leaves Jack E. to get started on the TV table.
At Betty’s funeral, the villagers gather to pay their respects, with an open casket revealing Barry has honoured her final request and bleached her teeth a bright white. Shelly’s father, Pubba, secretly swipes Betty’s purse from her coffin. It’s later revealed the purse contains a glowing blue rock, which he believes is connected to the aliens.
During the wake at the pub, Séamus and Shelly both notice Catherine and Matt’s looks, and Shelly notes that the crew are going to Oldgrange, where they’re staying for the final night. Séamus decides to go, but is stopped by Catherine, who asks what’s going on. He then confronts her about her affair, revealing he’s known pretty much since the start but wanted to keep her happy, but recently it’s felt more like she wanted to get caught. She asks if he wants a divorce and he says yes, and as he leaves they trade barbed jabs at each other.
Séamus then takes it a step too far by sarcastically saying it’s good the wheelchair doesn’t slow her down, and she resentfully tells him she blames him for her accident. She heavily implies that he had been drunk driving when they had the car crash that left her paralysed. The police officer who arrived on the scene was a friend of Séamus’s from football, and he was never breathalysed.
As the bar closes for the night, Shelly is kept company by her two admirers, Sonny and Jules, with the pair helping her clean up. She then kisses them both, and instructs them to kiss each other, implying something else could happen if they do. When they kiss, she mocks them both for actually doing it, but it clearly rocked Sonny in an unexpected way.
As Séamus arrives at Oldgrange, he discovers the crew have already gone home, and in their place is a group of pagans who are calling for the return of the aliens with music. It almost works, with the ship appearing in the sky, but then it disappears, and they vow to try again the following year.
But the ship remains in the sky, flying over Drumbán. As the pagans wonder what they’re missing, Séamus is seen next to his trombone.